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"useful conclusions" in therapy? Look go to therapy, or don't. We're just offering the friendly advice you said you were seeking. You seem to have already made up your mind not to avail yourself of therapy/counseling, so I your friends can offer the support and counsel that you seek. Really. It's hard to go through what you're going through without some backup, no matter what direction your life goes from here.
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turned in. Whether you do this or your husband doesn't matter. However you should not go behind your husband's back and do it. You are deceiving your husband if you go behind his back, however you've already stated that you feel justified in having the take him in. It sounds (by what you wrote here) that your husband only wants not to be the one who does it. There be another option. This assumes that his father is not violent, not likely to haul ass out of there, and has moments where he is not drunk. STROKE IN FRONT OF AN UPSCALE VOYEUR. You and your husband could work together to ask dad to turn himself in. I don't have legal knowledge, but I assume if he consults with a lawyer and takes responsibility for his actions things be better for him than hiding out with a warrant waiting until someone brings him in. Ultimately though the right thing is for him to be turned in so that he can answer for his and get treatment for his illness. I do like OOHH's idea of telling someone through gossip so that you can wash your hands of it if you can't bring yourself to do anything about the situation. But be cautious and seek legal counsel before doing so as there is the probability you could face trouble for knowing all this information and ignoring it instead of doing your duty and turning him in.