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and i'm not saying that flipply. i've experienced it. but then again.. i went to high school and university in DC.. worked as a professional in DC.. pursued What If Your Grandparents Read Your Online Dating Txts: Text Offender, EP 5 in NYC (what a mental vacation!!!).. and came back to DC to "be there" for family. i basiy feel like a piece of recycled and reformed glass (maybe bad example!) every time i step out of the house in and out of the fires of the closet.. but it still doesn't change that i'm a queer. and it's definitely difficult now.. because the people i've met this new time around.. are ALL straight. i have no queer friends this time around in DC. so i have to sometimes feign interest when at various bars or clubs be careful of what i say when job hunting.. etc.. the election was a nightmare, when talking to these new friends.. i finally had to just make it really fucking clear to a few guy friends that i was simply just not interested in them (not only in "that way", but because of my queer status). and worse.. i get 20-questions about my past.. and it's a little different than even that of my fags. i don't have what has been characterised as a "dyke socialisation", and when i came out, i didn't immediately seek a circle of dykes.. but those were personal choices for better or worse.
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You say "I always considered us to have a great marriage, happy and content." But you also say "My problem with him is that he is the most selfish person I have ever known. He is always thinking of himself, doing things for himself all the time. I feel like he has no consideration for me what so ever, not just since D day." You say "5 years ago my husband had an affair, he cheated for about a month before I found out, we went to marriage counseling and he said he stopped, found out later he didn't stop until a month later." But you also say you cheated for eleven months, and not just with one person, but with several. Just because you quickly let go of your hurt and suspicions after he had a brief affair does not mean you can expect him to quickly do likewise when you were systematiy deceiving him with multiple people for close to a year. You say you were having plenty of good sex at the time you chose to start cheating, but you didn't say why you cheated. You bring up your friends' opinions that they're surprised you didn't cheat sooner, but you don't say why they would say that if your marriage was "happy and content" with lots of sex. Did they think he owed you a tit-for-tat Get Out Of Jail Free card because he cheated for a month years ago? It's not surprising your husband is treating you with great suspicion in the circumstances, although being that demanding sexually, even when you don't want or enjoy it, is awfully cold. You need to stick a fork in it if quasi-rape stays on the menu in his mind, but you certainly need to eat a fair bit of shit on the suspicion front after cheating for so. If you want to stay married, seek counseling, and stop whining about being mistrusted. You earned it.
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